Friday, July 30, 2010

Twilight: Eclipse

Movie Night Out: Twilight: Eclipse

Eclipse (The Twilight Saga)

Why we chose this film: I have a problem and its probably deep and psychological, but I have a hard time giving up on a series. Its just that I'm curious as to how it ends. So here we go again... round 3...

Beeps:  Oh, Twilight.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  I think it's because I enjoy watching the main character, Bella, torture herself in 2 hour blocks.  After watching the 2nd movie abortion of a film, I promised myself that I was done with this franchise, yet here I was at the theater, Cherry Coke in hand, for this, the third movie.  I'm a straight forward type of guy.  If I'm in a love triangle, I don't dawdle about.  I make my choice and that's it.  It's not that easy for Bella Swan.  Oh no, she needs to drag it out, and be a total slut about it, all while hating herself for doing it.  Kristen Stewart was perfect for this role, I guess it had to be a chick, or Hayden Christensen would have auditioned, they both show about the same amount of emotion.  The one thing I will say about her, her face is almost constantly distorted into this I hate myself look, which I like.  I enjoy the fact that she's totally miserable, because I hate her... I loathe this character.  I spent time during this flick looking at the walls in the theater, because I was afraid that if I watched the screen, I might actually cut myself.  Unlike the last installment, this film does have a few highlights.  I love you Cullen family, except Edward.  I like Edward as a character, he has an air of charm and nobility about him, I hate the way he looks like he's always about to drop a deuce.  Jacob is a knob.  I'm solidly on team Edward.  I'd rather be on team Jasper/Alice, I love those 2.  Please god, just make a movie about them kicking ass.  Anyway, see you all at the next movie because like Bella, I hate myself too.  1 1/2 stars.

Apes: Lets just start by saying I will watch anything that Jacob is in as long as he is shirtless in all or almost all scenes. The movie on the other hand is painful... ok so you "Love" two guys... take some "me" time figure it all out then put your big girl panties on and make the decision. Let all parties know... quick like ripping a band aid off, or have an open ended relationship and FUCK the shit out of make sweet love to them both... well wine and dine with Edward and do it "doggy" style with Jacob. I can't take much more of Bella's destructive behavior and manic depressive moods. The rest of the Cullen's are awesome, interesting, and developing in to nice characters. As a film I give it 2 stars.... but Jacob gets a perfect 5... yummy!

Overall we give it 2 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Kill Bill - Volume One

Beeps Pick:  Kill Bill - Volume One

Kill Bill - Volume One [Blu-ray]

Why I Picked This Film:  I haven't seen this movie since I bought it on DVD.  It's been far too long.  I know that Apes has a hatred for Uma Thurman almost as deep as she does for Kristen Stewart, so I figured the ONLY chance I have of getting her to watch this was during this blog.

Beeps:  For anyone not having seen this film, it is for sure a Tarantino film.  Not nearly as dialogue heavy as most of his other movies, this one leans more towards the action first, talk later mentality.  Of course there's his signature in media res intro in which he thrusts the audience into the middle of the story.  He then proceeds to dance around picking and choosing where to give the audience details into the story of The Bride.  Ah, yes, her name is mentioned several times during the film, but the director bleeps it out.  I found this to have a very art school feel to it, almost as if it was done by an amateur, looking to make a movie that is artistic as well as a big budget blockbuster.  An entire fight scene is shot in black and white, a chapter of the film is animated, the bouncing around of the story.  Somehow it all works for me, but just barely.  3 stars.

Apes: Agreeing to watch a film with Uma Thurman is like going for your yearly glaucoma test. You know its gonna be offensive to your eyes and yet you go back year after year. This film is no different... man is she ugly. OCCASIONALLY she looks stunning and attractive, but that is rare. Enough about that. The film its self looks like a good high school project. The intro was clearly done with movie-maker or PowerPoint. The soundtrack is aurally offensive at times and doesn't seem to fit with the action. It does make me want to know how this is resolved in the next volume, but not enough to stay up late and find out immediately. This movie is ok I give it 2 stars.

Overall we give this film 2 1/2 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Apes Pick: Jumper


Why I Picked this Movie: I wanted to see this when it came out in theaters, but didn't make the time to see it. Now that we are doing this "project" it seems like the perfect time to take on some movies that I just never got around to watching.

Beeps:  Alright, this is a popcorn movie, I knew that coming in, so I really wasn't looking for much here.  The story is entertaining enough, about people who have the ability to teleport themselves and other things to other places around the world.  I liked the story quite a bit, but then again I've always been fascinated by teleportation.  What I did not like is Hayden Christensen, trying his best to screw this film up.  This kid is the worst actor I've ever seen.  He's got the emotional depth of a wet blanket, and I found him to be a nuisance during the film.  This should be a 3 star movie, but it has been dragged down by his performance.  2 1/2 stars. 

Apes: At one point in the movie I was thing "ehh... this is almost as boring as the second Twilight movie" and guess what... Bella popped her face right onto the screen. I'm pretty sure she was in it... that or I'm being stalked by an emo fang banger. That should pretty much sum up my review, but there is more. The acting was bland and the leading lady looked slightly better than a crack ho. Really few saving graces in this film other than great scenery. My advice skip this one and rent a nice national geographic or travel channel special and follow it up by a nice viewing of Twilight. 2 Stars.  

Overall we give this movie 2 1/2 Stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Clash of the Titans (2010)

New Release Tuesday: Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans (Blu-ray/DVD Combo + Digital Copy)

Why we picked this film:  It's new release Tuesday.  We have really been looking forward to seeing this as we love the original.

Beeps:  I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this film.  I had heard some bad things, I'm glad that I didn't listen.  If you're expecting a remake of the original Harry Hamlin film, then you will be sorely disappointed.  This film is the same basic story as the original, but there is enough different here to piss off the purists.  Of course if you know that the film is different, and you can separate the two films, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.  Keep in mind this isn't high class cinema, don't search the film for multiple meanings or discussion, just grab a bowl of popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the ride.  3 1/2 stars.

Apes:  Ahhh.... memory lane... I really enjoyed the original Clash of the Titans as a kid. This was a nice remake with far better special effects, but its no award winning film. This is what Beeps and I call a popcorn flick. Its a good movie that you just sort of sit and vedge out too while enjoying an impossible journey. It a worth while watch especially if you like the original or any mythological stories. I give this movie 3 stars.

Overall we give this film 3 1/2 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Monday, July 26, 2010

Event Horizon

Beeps Pick:  Event Horizon

Event Horizon [Blu-ray]

Why I Picked This Film:  I need to see this movie.  It's been years, but I remember it being in my top 10 all time favorite flicks.  I've been craving a space thriller, and to much to my shock Apes agreed to watch this.  (Horror is technically off limits for the purposes of this blog, but she will relent on occasion, and possibly for a theme week in October.)  Although technically, I suppose this is Sci-Fi and not horror.

Beeps:  Wow!  Maybe I was wrong about this film.  It definitely has a horror vibe to it, but not a cheesy horror vibe.  I was glued to my seat for the entire film.  Not for one second did I even think about anything other than the film.  I was totally engrossed by the story and the acting within.  What I love about this movie is that it explores the unknown, and plays upon our fears.  I just wanted to thank Apes for being a good sport about it, and getting through this film.  I HIGHLY recommend this flick to anyone looking for a sci-fi/horror film.  To me, this is the perfect movie.  5 stars.

Apes: Uggh! Remind me why I married that man again! I've said it before.... I HATE horror movies especially ones that show any gore! Beeps has been convincing me for ages that this isn't really a horror movie. Guess what... HE LIED. Its not that there are no good horror movies, its just that graphic images tend to stay in my mind for far too long. This movie was interesting and I did want to see what happens in the end. The problem with horror movies is that I like a happy ending, or at least an ending that doesn't have death and blood lol. I give this movie 3 stars for intrigue and story. Although I should take 2 stars away for gore.

Overall we give this movie 4 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Movie Night Out:  Inception


Why We Picked This Film:  To be honest the preview didn't look all that great, but the reviews have been nothing short of spectacular.  We felt almost compelled to see this movie.  Since we wanted to review something in theaters, we chose this film.

Beeps:  One of the reviews I read about this film indicated that it was spoiler proof, even if you knew how it ended that wouldn't be enough for you.  The movie is absolutely sublime, I can liken it to the first time I saw The Matrix.  The movie is that mind blowing.  I also feel that this is the most complex movie that I have ever seen,  it is a complete serpentine plot, and I was totally wrapped up in the middle.  The points brought forth in the film can also yield interesting discussion, and I feel like I will be discussing various points from it for weeks to come.  Upon walking out of the theater, my initial thought was 4 1/2 stars, however after digesting this delicious meal of a movie, I have no choice but to say.  5 stars.

Apes: This movie is like watching 3 decent short scripts and splicing them together in a method that is some how stunning, action packed, and beautiful. I'm not sure how any one could write this, much less explain it well enough to others to get a studio to pick it up. It is interesting, riveting, and thought provoking. I enjoyed this movie like a popcorn summer blockbuster, but also like a though provoking serious film. I'd describe this film as The Matrix meets Mission Impossible. Although honestly there is no way to compare this to another movie although I can compare it to a picture.

Enjoy the ride! Go see this film. I give it 5 stars.

Overall we give this movie 5 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Saturday, July 24, 2010


Apes Pick: Kinsey


Why I picked this film: I remember this film being good, really good. We shall see if it lives up to my expectations or if reality is far harsher than my memory. I remember this being one of the first films I saw that pushed the envelope when I worked at Blockbuster. I remember enjoying the story, as well, as the sexual discovery. We shall see!

Beeps:  Ugh.  How could a movie about sexuality be so boring?  There were long periods during this movie that I groaned as it dragged on and on.  However, there were some times that were interesting and insightful.  They were just too few and far between.  This movie is the story of Alfred Kinsey, a biologist turned sex researcher.  I suppose we have Dr. Kinsey to thank for helping to dispel myths about sexuality that we had in the early 20th century.  Thanks Dr. Kinsey! Sorry the movie about you was so crappy.  1 1/2 stars.

Apes: I still really enjoyed this movie because I can relate. I as I was growing up no one talked about sexuality. Sure, I know my parents had sex, but nothing else. I knew they preached abstinence, but I wasn't even sure exactly what all was included in that. The movie is SLOW at time, but still interesting and thought provoking. How action packed are you expecting a movie about a biologist and sex researcher to be? There is nudity, sex, and masturbation, but they don't come across as sexual; instead more clinical. I think I enjoy this film for reasons that Beeps can't appreciate because his family was WAY more open than mine. I give this movie 3 stars because it is still so damn interesting.

Overall we give this film 2 1/2 Stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Friday, July 23, 2010

Strange Days

Beeps Pick: Strange Days

Strange Days

Why I picked this film:  I chose this film because it came up in conversation a few days ago.  We were having some pillow talk about being able to re-live your memories.  I saw this once, a long time ago, and that's really the only thing I remember about this flick.  I'm looking forward to re-visiting this one.

Beeps:  This movie was written by James Cameron.  That's really all I need to say for you, the reader, to get an understanding of the social commentary that this film brings out.  It's truly a masterpiece of cinema that explores the depths of human depravity from multiple angles and sources.  What I love about this film is the idea of the drug of the future...  To be able to record your memories, to relive them with all the same feelings, to share them, or sell them.  The ability to pop in a disc of someone else's memories and get all the rush, adrenaline, feelings, thoughts, emotions associated with busting through a convenience store with a .357 magnum in hand.  Not your taste?  Maybe you'd like to experience having your way with a woman?  A man? 2 women?  It's funny though, this drug of the future, (although 1999 is no longer the future) and its trade, isn't even the central piece of the plot.  The movie truly is like a parfait... so many layers, and all of them delicious. 4 1/2 stars.

Apes: I'm not sure how to evaluate this film movie cinematic adventure train wreck social commentary video. It is interesting and thought provoking. I really enjoyed this flick. The story takes a while to get started, but like a good orgasm is worth the extra patience because as the story unfolds it is truly beautiful. I would compare watching this film to one of the acrobats on the huge silk ribbons the beginning is slow twisting and wrapping as they climb to the top. Then from the climax to the end everything unfolds, twirls, spins, dances, opens, and explodes in excitement as the acrobat skillfully unwraps. This film isn't like WATCHING the acrobat.... its like BEING the acrobat. I find it difficult to rate this film because I'm having difficulty separating myself from the film. The cinematography is well done and I would recommend this movie, but not the casual immature moviegoer. I'm going to go out on a limb and give this movie a perfect rating, 5 Stars, because to me this was a perfect film; I was involved, entwined, and left reeling.

Overall we give this movie 5 stars

~Beeps and Apes

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Russell Brand - Doing Life Live

Apes Pick: Russell Brand - Doing Life Live

Russell Brand - Doing Life Live (PAL/Region 4)

Why I picked this movie: I am in the mood for a comedy special and have seen his NYC special and remember it being funny. Plus I saw his book at Books-A-Million and I figured what the heck lets give it a shot.

Beeps: Russell Brand is definitely a unique dude.  This DVD is not very accessible to those of us living in the United States, and that's probably a good thing.  Most of this is quite funny, parts of it however are down right boring.  It helps to have some knowledge of British slang.  (Took me a minute to understand what a "Chip and Pin" card was.)  All of this being said, I enjoyed this.  There were more than enough laugh out loud moments to make this a worthy addition to a collection.  I would recommend his NYC special to get acquainted with him, as he is difficult to understand at times, as his accent is even heavier in this special, taped while performing in his native England.  3 stars.

Apes: Unlike his NY special his special in Britain sounds far more "British" the accent is almost more that I can decipher and I've spent lots of times talking to Brits. There are moments in this special that are LOL funny and other that are hard to understand, bland, and a bit of a bore. I think he is a VERY interesting man and his comedy is very funny. However, for my American friends I recommend Russel Brand in New York City I think you will find it funnier and MUCH more easily understood. I give this special 2 stars.

Overall we give this movie 2 1/2 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Not Another Teen Movie

Beeps Pick:  Not Another Teen Movie

Not Another Teen Movie (Unrated Director's Cut)

Why I Picked This Film:  I needed a good laugh, I love spoof movies, and I remember this being one of my all time favorites.

Beeps:  This could be the first film that lived up to my idealized view of it via my reminiscence.  I loved this movie.  I imagine that I enjoy it more because I've seen every movie that is spoofed in it.  However, I feel that the story has good cohesion, and is fairly well written (well, as well written as a spoof can be.)  I thought they did a fantastic job casting people who looked eerily similar to their counterparts from the original movies.  Unlike most other spoofs that I've seen, this movie draws from tons of other movies, not just a few, to get its story across, and it will reference other movies, even if for only a single scene.  (I'm looking at you, Jawbreaker...)  Definitely worth owning, especially if you're a movie buff.  4 stars.

Apes: I enjoyed this film more than I expected and it almost pains me to admit because these comedy spoof movies are normally stupid. This movie does still have stupid parts, but it was almost a mockery of my pre-teen and teen years, as well as, a stroll down memory lane seeing how many teen romance films I could identify. This spoof is well written and flows together nicely noting feels forced. I think this movie would still be funny in a retarded sort of way to some one who hasn't seen any of the films this movie is mocking, but to truly appreciate this film you need to watch all the originals first. It definitely makes the movie a lot more fun! I give this film 3 1/2 Stars.

Overall we give this film 4 stars. Apes thinks that's a little high, but we round up.

~Beeps and Apes

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cop Out

Beeps Pick: Cop Out

Cop Out

Why I picked this film:  It's a new release, and it's Tuesday.  This came out today and I felt like maybe we should have a "New Release Tuesday" sort of day.

Beeps:  The opening scene, and the final scene (after the first of the credits.)  Watch these 2 scenes and save yourself an hour and twenty minutes of crap.  This film had a few laugh out loud moments, but they were few and far between.  I was shocked to find out that this was a Kevin Smith film.  Certainly not typical Kevin Smith, and by typical, I mean a good film.  Another thing that bothered me... the music in this film.  When there are scenes of tense action coming, there's this stupid beat playing in the background, very distracting.  All in all, This movie is just like Rush Hour, except Bruce Willis is white, not asian, and Tracey Morgan is not Chris Tucker... oh and this movie is crappy.  1 1/2 stars.

Apes: I'd love to tell you this is an amazingly funny and  revolutionary new release. Instead I'm forced to tell the truth. It was like a bad rerun, or a spoof that took itself seriously. I wonder if Bruce Willis resonates with his onscreen character and just took this role for the money. This film had the potential to be a good popcorn flick in the tradition of the Rush Hour franchise and Blue Streak. Its hard to rate this film based on what I actually endured  watched and not on the potential I see with the script. I honestly wish there was a Do-Over button I could push and go back and help them make this film the cinematic summer blockbuster it should have been. With this cast and director its disappointing to give this film a shameful 1 1/2 stars.

Overall we give this film 1 1/2 stars.

~Beeps and Apes

Monday, July 19, 2010

Mamma Mia!

Apes Pick: Mamma Mia!

Mamma Mia! The Movie (Widescreen)

Why I picked this film: Since its release in theaters I've been wanting to see this film again. I figure now is as good a time as any. I remember it being funny, romantic, and just fun. We shall see if my first impressions hold up and what Beeps thinks since this isn't his normal cup o' tea. 

Beeps:  Musicals...  My least favorite category of film.  However, I'm not going to bash this picture as I'm sure most of you are expecting.  The movie was ok, the singing (except for Pierce Brosnan) was pretty good.  I can't help but find it all sort of silly, really.  I guess I really didn't get the point.  Ex-lovers show up the day before your daughters wedding, and what do you do?  Go emo and sing Abba songs?!?!  In addition, every time there was a gathering of women, I could almost swear that I heard clucking hen sounds.  All of this being said... it is tolerable, and I think worthy of a viewing.  Men, you are sure to score some brownie points for this one, just really drag your heels and whine about doing it, but then eventually cave and do it, it's really not that bad.  2 1/2 stars.

Apes: I enjoyed this film in theaters. In subsequent viewing it loses some of its charm. It is deffinately still worth a viewing or two even if Abba isn't your favorite. Its a funny film that even made Beeps laugh a few times. Maybe I'm to callous for this film. Beeps can say what he will he was TOTALLY  singing along - and he might have been dancing in his seat I'm not sure! I give this movie 3 stars for entertainment, music, and comedy.

Overall we give this film 3 Stars

~Beeps and Apes

PS. As I was about to push publish Beeps burst into song..... "I AM THE DANCING QUEEN.... damn it" lol... I love that man!